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This Body of I

March 9, 2009

How far would you go for the sake of this body of I?
I, my, mine

we feel like dressing up this living corpse
we feel like staying young forever
we sing happy birthday and wish ourselves a long life
we put our beloved ones on a ventilator
we get involved in illegal business of human organ transplantation

anything to sustain this decaying body as long as possible

such a great attachment to mind and matter,
this story of I,
the big capital I,

when are we going to learn to let go?

27 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2009 03:47

    ..we put our beloved ones on a ventilator..


  2. March 9, 2009 03:51

    my friends always tell me that I look very old for my age. and i am never offended, responding to them jokingly: “that’s because i suffer a lot. it seems that I look two years older each year.” i don’t know why, but i don’t really care about my body. it’s probably because i never like it; i mean, it’s ugly, it’s feeble, it’s nothing but a reminder of how weak i am; not only because i’m a human being, but also because i was most of the time actually the weakest boy among my peers in school! so i’m very much in love with the self inside me, which i have unfortunately begun to question whether it really exists. you know, it’s hard for me to talk about “the self”. years ago when i was still in college, i was fascinated by Krishnamurti’s book “reflection of the self”. i then believed, almost fully, in what he said; that you must let “the self” go and be part of being as a whole (reality, universe, or whatever it is} to be in a state where the observer and the observed are one, or where one can enjoy beauty, or pleasure, without a slight desire to own it or sustain it, where we can live a serene, happy life. but now it’s different. despite my knowledge of what Krishnamurti said about the self, about not being dependent on anything, not even money or God, i still suffer; i still have fears; i still want to have hope; now i can’t tell which is right, or wrong. i have no idea which is considered as an undeniable truth. science might have distracted (corrupted) me. maybe it’s true there’s nothing beyond matter. and the self is acquired through experience. and all you need to do in life is play just the game, just like what Queen said; no matter how hollow existence is, you can always manipulate your mind, or ignore the fact that life is meaningless, that we are the product of millions years of organic evolution. anyhow, we’re prone to forgetting things. to being inconsistent, to being sot so serous about everything. i often resort to the irationality of abrahamic faith; to its paradoxes and oxymora. sometimes i delve into everydayness, defending common sense, forgetting philosophy. but the agony has never really gone once and for all. it keeps coming back. i can be very erratic, which often lead me to painful regret. what have i done!!? i can’t easily let the small things go, let alone the “I” that defines me, historically or spiritually.


  3. March 9, 2009 08:02

    We are coming from undetected planet millions light years away, silently waiting to be back… I’ll be back! (Arnie said).

  4. March 9, 2009 10:11

    @ Lumiere
    why are you shocked? It’s merely my observation of real life. It happens all the time.

    @ gentole
    To be able to let go of I is the end of the journey, but every small step helps you getting closer to the total dissolution of I. Like Meister Eckhart says, “You can always give up some ego.”

    For example, if you meet a tiger, which one invokes fear in your heart? Is it the tiger (external) or your own fear (internal)? In my journey which is full of ups and downs, I start to understand that it’s my fear, my worries, and all the other my’s that make me afraid to live.

    It’s funny really, most people are taught not to be afraid of death, but it takes more courage to face life with all its uncertainties.

    Since ancient times the sages keep saying, let go of I, then you will be happy, then you lead a blissful life. The big question is, HOW? Yet, I found out it’s not impossible. However it takes a lot of effort from you. I, too, am still striving every single day.

    P.S.: curcol apa sih?

    @ Lambang
    Great! Then we have hope that someday we’ll be able to go back to our origin πŸ™‚

  5. March 9, 2009 10:49

    I, too, am still striving every single day.

    Glad to hear that from you. And nevermind the curcol.

  6. March 10, 2009 03:41

    …Since ancient times the sages keep saying, let go of I, then you will be happy, then you lead a blissful life. The big question is, HOW?

    and there’s another question asked by wisemen like ki mentaram: what is I or is is Who? he asked his son once, “hold on me and i’ll give you some money.” his son held his arm, but the prince replied, “that is my arm.” then, the boy held his head only to get similar answer, “that’s my head.” *gak tau pas gak terjemahannya* :mrgreen:

    • March 10, 2009 07:51

      @ gentole
      maksudnya nemu teman yang sama-sama menderita? 😎

      @ sitijenang
      Ki Mentaram and the ancient sages say essentially the same thing. πŸ™‚
      Where is I? what is I? If there’s no such thing as I-ness, what is this “I” that we are clinging to?

      I understand the philosophy intellectually; yet, the practice? That’s another story :mrgreen:

  7. March 10, 2009 10:44

    just some funny quote from someplace (forgot the credit πŸ˜› )
    teacher : make a sentence using the word “i”
    sutdent : I is… (suddenly being interrupted by the teacher)
    teacher : “am”, lad, “am”. use “am” after I..
    student : err, alright Sir. I am the 9th letter of the Roman alphabet


  8. March 10, 2009 12:30

    why are you shocked?…

    Ah tak apa, mungkin hanya persepsi saya berbeda dg maksud anda ^-^

    Eh, Gnothi Seauton-nya Phytagoras (?) yah :mrgreen: iya nih, sedang berusaha mengenali this capital I.

    • March 10, 2009 23:02

      @ Arm
      nah kalo guru saya versinya beda dikit (maksa dehh). Ada muridnya nanya gini, “I is not. Who is liberated?”

      @ Lumiere
      Ada yang bilang Phytagoras, ada yang bilang Socrates, ada yang bilang Phemonoe… yang jelas Yunani kuno πŸ™‚

  9. March 11, 2009 11:52

    @ Lumiere dan tuan rumah

    The aphorism has been attributed to at least six ancient Greek sages:

    * Chilon of Sparta (Chilon I 63, 25)
    * Heraclitus
    * Pythagoras
    * Socrates
    * Solon of Athens
    * Thales of Miletus
    Sumber :

    the thing is we need to earn the knowledge and live by it. lha kalo di kejawen aku itu kan [setidaknya] ada 3: kula, aku, Ingun. the big “I” is “Ingsun”?

    Master: do you know what it is?
    Padawan: i do.
    Master: have you find it?
    Padawan: yes, master.
    Master: let it go
    Padawan: what!?
    Master: Loose yourself then find it again
    Padawan: @#$%^

    Master: wis ngene wae: kowe kudu mati sakjeroning urip. mangko bisa urip sakjeroning pati.
    Padawan: nun inggih sendika dhawuh… :mrgreen:

  10. March 12, 2009 12:59

    @ atas

    Loose yourself then find it again

    and the questions is “how?” kayaknya saya bisa paham respon si padawan :mrgreen:

    OOT: kuwi senajan bosonipun padawan kalihan master boso linggis nopo jawitho? πŸ™„

  11. March 12, 2009 22:42

    @ sitijenang + Lumiere
    yup, Ingsun 😎

    itu yourself mengacu ke Ingsun atau ke mana? *yang ikutan jadi @#$%^*

    bikin postingan dong manual “how to” pake sistem kejawen

    non-grasping? *saya mikirnya ganti terminologi ke bahasa jawa maka jadi kejawen* :mrgreen:

  12. March 13, 2009 11:55

    @ illuminationis
    itu kan mestinya Anda yg lebih bisa menjelaskan tekniknya. yourself itu ada 3, yourself1, yourself2, dan yourself3. bisa juga disebut low-self, mid-self, dan high-self. ketika raga melakukan meditasi, dalam tahap tertentu kan bisa mangsuk realitas baru. orang tidak lagi merasa lapar, dahaga, serta sensasi ragawi lainnya. dengan kata lain, raga menjadi non-aktif untuk sementara waktu.

    lha ini kan artinya raga (fisik) sudah mengalami ‘mati sakjeroning urip’, tetapi bukan berarti hilang kesadaran karena di situ ada kesadaran baru yang hidup, kesadaran rahsa (mental), ateges saget ‘urip sakjeroning pati’. loose yourself then find it again, but in this case the mid-self takes over. namun, itu bukan akhir perjalanan tentunya. yourself2 pada suatu kondisi juga bisa menjadi non-aktif. di situlah [secara teori] muncul si ‘Ingsun’ (spiritual), where there’s no emotion; there is peace (Jedi enlightment). ini katanya mingsih bisa lanjut dikit lagi… manunggaling kawula kalawan Gusti.

    kalo mo jadi kejawen memang tinggal ganti terminologi dan kalo perlu bahasanya sekalian. kebetulan saya pernah dapet wejangan yg saya post di blog mas ngabehi:

    kaping pisan dhiri kita ka’aran uwong, tegesipun suwung/kosong. saksampunipun saget suwung lajeng tumimbal lahir dados manungsa, ateges manunggal hing rahsa. menawi sampun nunggal lajeng jumeneng dados tiyang, ateges titisan hyang. ingkang pungkasan, tiyang menika saget jalma dados titahing Gusti, menika ingkang dipun wastani sejatining manungsa.

    masalahnya, ini kan kata saya aja (jarene), sitijenang si sosok virtual yg gak jelas asal-usulnya. :mrgreen: kalo menurut pengalaman saya sih, “each one of us must earn the knowledge”. *sluman slumut slamet*

  13. March 14, 2009 00:16

    wah… ini kayaknya terjadi miskomunikasi… maksudnya, sumber saya memberi pengertian Ingsun = big I / ego / ahankara (Sansekerta). Level di mana ada kehendak/ volition. Mungkin lebih tepat = aku?

    Kalo sudah mati sakjeroning urip, sudah mulai masuk level nibbana/ nirvana, akhir dunia/ keduniawian.

    Btw meributkan asal-usul (ontologi) ga penting, kata Siddharta, karena tidak membuatmu (lebih) bahagia. 😎

  14. March 15, 2009 15:14

    he he he… 😎

  15. March 17, 2009 14:27

    numpang pesan @ Lumiere

    itu jawaban saya sekalian buat sampeyan, mangkanya panjang. πŸ™‚

  16. March 20, 2009 04:41

    .. disebut low-self, mid-self, dan high-self..

    😯 wow! berarti saya musti mengenali karakter masing2 ini dulu kan?

    ..raga menjadi non-aktif untuk sementara waktu..

    hanya dengan yoga kah? di mana posisi ritual keagamaan di sini?

    ..orang tidak lagi merasa lapar, dahaga, serta sensasi ragawi lainnya..

    seperti Gautama? πŸ˜• euhm.., kok sounds mustahil bg org kayak saya ya πŸ™„

    .. si β€˜Ingsun’ (spiritual), where there’s no emotion; there is peace.. ini katanya mingsih bisa lanjut dikit lagi .. manunggaling kawula kalawan Gusti.

    thats too high master m(_ _)m Dan.. saya pikir jika sudah tak lagi ada emosi, seseorang tak lagi “manusiawi”, entahlah..

  17. March 20, 2009 15:40

    berarti saya musti mengenali karakter masing2 ini dulu kan?

    kalo pun saya jelaskan akan tetap menjadi “katanya”. intinya (menurut saya) mencari asal-usul kehendak itu. orang bisa berpikir, bercakap, dan bertindak lantaran adanya kehendak itu. salat dan nyopet juga berawal dari kehendak. lha, menurut kejawen mazhab saya ada kehendak raga, jiwa, dan sukma (ruh). silaken ditelusuri dan dikenali sendiri…

    hanya dengan yoga kah? di mana posisi ritual keagamaan di sini?

    ini pertanyaan yg mestinya Anda jawab sendiri juga. ritual sarengat itu sebetulnya apa? setahu saya jalan atau metode. lalu, untuk apa? silaken cari… saya melihat salat itu: ada yg mesti berdiri, ada yg mesti ruku’, dan ada yg disujudkan.

    … sounds mustahil bg org kayak saya ya…

    katanya sih dulu ada orang yg bisa salat khusuk, lalu panah yg nancep di badannya dicabut dan tidak terasa… tapi katanya aja sih… mungkin mirip kayak orang tidur nyenyak aja. emang mingsih berasa laper, haus, atau gatel2 mungkin? tapi kalo buat Anda mustahil ya gak usah dipikirken lah…

    …saya pikir jika sudah tak lagi ada emosi, seseorang tak lagi β€œmanusiawi”, entahlah..

    ini beda dengan mati rasa, tapi dorongan emosional tidak lagi memengaruhi pandangan, betul-betul jernih. teori aja sih… dari negeri antah-berantah, konon katanya…

  18. March 26, 2009 01:18

    *lihat dikusi*


  19. March 26, 2009 01:20

    @ gentole
    *sok tahu mode on* makanya Gen, sarapan dulu sebelum baca-baca blog 😎

  20. April 1, 2009 05:19

    All suffering is caused by my identifying myself with something, whether that something is within me or outside of me

  21. April 1, 2009 23:01

    @ tomy
    katanya kalo sudah lebih jauh lagi, malah terheran-heran, Where is inside? Where is outside? There is not even “I”.

  22. April 2, 2009 08:07

    Am I my thoughts, the thoughts that I am thinking? No. Thoughts come and go; I am not my thoughts. Am I my body? They tell us that millions of cells in our body are changed or are renewed every minute, so that by the end of seven years we don’t have a single living cell in our body that was there seven years before. Cells come and go. Cells arise and die. But β€œI” seems to persist. So am I my body? Evidently not!
    Yes theirs is not even β€œI” :mrgreen:
    Ingsun sejatine ora ana apa-apa

  23. April 3, 2009 15:18

    @ tomy
    hmmm… termasuk sel induk (yang katanya immortal itu) ?

  24. April 5, 2009 12:09

    Kalo ‘I’ tidak ada, what’s the use of making choices?

    • April 6, 2009 21:08

      so that “you” can choose to let go of some ego :mrgreen:

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