Vipassana; changes from within
Last week I came back from another 10-day Vipassana course. Every time it becomes clearer and clearer. Life feels like a puzzle, and the pieces start falling at their places. Last year I did it for the first time. At that time I started to suffer from severe backache, and I thought that there must be something else which could explain human suffering, physical and mental one. Science has failed to answer this basic question, so I decided to give Vipassana a shot and see what happens.
I thought that it’d be a useful vacation. Useful it was indeed, but vacation? No way, you have to work hard, very hard. I don’t have any problem with the total silence, yet the 10 hours/ day meditation, 10 days long, is really hard for my back. When I was there, it dawned on me, “What am I doing here? Am I crazy? I will never survive sitting 10 hours/ day with my back problem!” The first days were the most difficult, since I got pain everywhere, in my back, in my legs, in my knees, everywhere. Yeah, some yoga teacher sat in front of me, what do you think I’d feel? They said the pain was impermanent, but to me my pain was permanent. Everyone else was sitting quietly like a Buddha! Even worse was the chattering of my mind. There’s no escape, I was confronted with my deepest mind and could not divert my attention to something else. I was amazed that as the course progressed, the pain subsided, the mind became more and more quiet. I felt that they didn’t matter anymore. Not that it became easy after that, but it’s ok.
In the beginning I pondered why the Assistant Teachers looked so radiant. After 10 days of “suffering”, I understood why. Actually everyone who did the Vipassana course was glowing in the end. Of course we might talk again on the last day, yet it’s the changes within which made them radiant. It’s the change within which made my housemate inquiring, “What have you done?! Whatever it is, it changes you a lot.” It’s peace inside. Honestly I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel peaceful like that. However, they’ve proven me wrong.
When someone who came for the first time asked me about my experience, I said, “Well, I had some moments that I considered myself out of my mind to come and agree to stay here 10 days long. When it ended, I got the feeling that I don’t want to go home.” Almost everyone would feel like packing and going home during the course, but if you stay you will understand why people keep coming, people from all races and ages and background.
I still suffer from backache. Yet, I am grateful, since without backache I’d never have taken Vipassana course and would not know real peace.
Be peaceful. Be liberated. Be happy.
May all beings be happy.